I'm not going to re-read it and give you excruciating details of what goes on in that damnable piece of fiction. I'm not that selfless.
The main character is a pretty girl named Bella with crippled self esteem who is coddled by others but still has absolutely no self confidence. Her blood apparently smells really nice and pretty much drives the resident vampire hottie, Edward, mad.
This book's foundation is SEXUAL TENSION. Edward can't do anything more than a whisper of a kiss, because he fears that he will CRUSH HER with his abnormal vampire strength. He might also lose control, because her blood smells that fucking good.
Did you know HE WATCHES HER SLEEP? Nothing better than an immortal boyfriend watching you all night long. He doesn't NEED sleep. Doesn't he sound dreamy?
ANOTHER GREAT FACT: Meyer's vampires don't burn in the sun like legends have said they do for HUNDREDS OF YEARS. Oh no. No no no no no. They sparkle with the brilliance of thousands of diamonds bezel-set into their alabaster skin. THAT is why they can't go into sunlight. They're far too dazzling for humans to comprehend.
Did you know they play baseball? Only during thunderstorms, though. Why is that? They hit the ball so hard with the bat that the sound is comparable to thunder. That's right: thunder.
Anyway, a gang of renegade vampires that still feast on human flesh [the book says that is really passé] find the baseball game because of the thunderous impacts they're making on the field. Vampires are good at telling the difference between thunder and super-powered immortals having fun. They assume Bella is a tasty mid-game morsel. This all leads up to a battle where our little heroine thinks she can take on the big bad vampires all by herself in order to save her mommy. She gets her ass kicked, is beaten into a pretty little pulp, and is ~BITTEN~ which starts the process of her becoming a diamond-encrusted vampire. She wanted that anyway.
Edward will have none of that. He hurts the big bad vampires and reverses the vampire change in Bella by sucking out some of her delectable blood.
I think they go to prom after that or something.
Also, there is a Native American werewolf that has the hots for Bella.
TL;DR: IT SUCKS.
